What most makes me smile...

If you look at Abigail, what you see is the smaller version of me. 

She is exactly as I was in mien, in spirit and in looks.  It is like stepping back in time, and delightful when you consider so many seek eternal youth and immortality, and there in that small morsel of love made flesh IS my embodied immortality.  My dna is running around in that small morsel of human delight.

At not quite 4 months, she is so determined to lurch into life and living and her disposition is sunny.  When you hold her, she is not a clumsy cuddle - rather she nestles and snuggles and fits.   People cross roads and streams of mall traffic to come and coo and goo and Abi holds court rewarding those drawn in with the widest of smiles.  I watch her eyes drinking in everything and everyone, and then tapping the knowledge down deep.  She lacks no confidence either. 

I feel blessed and honoured she is with us.  

 

Abigail fest.......

What does love look like?

Love is:

• a half girl/half woman bullying older sisters to ensure they remember my birthday and remember to call me and spoil me on the day.  She did it by phone call and text message and was relentless.  And I adore her for it. Thank you Leonnie for understanding how much these things mean to me.
  
• an 82 year old frail woman, my mother, wanting to catch buses and go and buy things to cook and make a feast for me and mine to make me feel special.   As it was my birthday I could stop it and instead picked up delicious cheeses, a variety of crackers, cabanossi, fruit ( for a platter) and a cheesecake and a vanilla sponge.
• my daughter (Tess) telephoning me and offering me MsLizzie ( aged 3) and Abigail ( aged 4 months) for Saturday night instead of calling a babysitter.    She knew Geni and I had soccer on Sunday and it was my birthday so she isn;t want to burden me.  How can those two be a burden?  It was a delightful time.   I  have asked her to stop being 'considerate' and instead to ask me.  I know I can say no if I am unable for any reason, but I would like first right of refusal.   It would only be rarely I would say no!!
• A veritable feast of stationary items for me to fill with thoughts and feelings and words
• NOT having to be the one to do all the washing, cooking and cleaning on the weekend

Fingers like

blocks of ice, so cold they almost hurt.

Yes. It is winter, down under style.

This doesn't mean snow and ice but does mean humid wet style cold and bitter driving winds that cut through any and all layers of fabric.

As the sun sets here the sky to the west is painted rosy pink and salmon. 

I went to the gym this morning while everyone slept and after a yoga class and some cardio I came home girded and ready to tackle the washing pile - only to find it had been begun!!  Yeah!!  Who said you can't teach old dogs new tricks?

That said Tess is dropping Lizzie and Abigail to us to spend the evening.  Pandy has organised a birthday party for her boyfriend Nick and we get the littlies ( I much prefer that to a night of partying!!)

And tomorrow we have soccer at 11.40 followed by a visit with mum and then a cutting of the cake for me!! Yes. Tomorrow is my birthday. 

I should have waited before speaking up....

Yesterday I got to 2pm full of the attitude of gratitude to receive a phone call telling me Amy ( 22) was at the hospital. Her throat had swollen shut and she was in terrible pain and couldn't swallow. I was about to head into a planned meeting, so went into that and grabbed a bag and immediately afterwards straight out the door and to the hospital to sit with her as long as I was able.

The doctor diagnosed a bacterial infcction and an allergic reaction and although she wasn't admitted it was a stressful couple of hours. Still, thinking things through, it could have been so much worse!! She is miserable and sore but had been topped up with antibiotics to kick start fighting the infection. and I got to spend some time with the gorgeous Ms Abigail who is quite the ray of sunshine. She coos, goos and generally lights up and is as fat as they come.

An Attitude of Gratitude

One of my dearest online friends talks about feeling like they are sitting at the centre of a perfect storm  and this got me cogitating, as these things often do.  He is right, Fujific that is.  Storm clouds have gathered and violent and high waves are sweeping away and around and stirring up so much we have perhaps taken for granted.  

At times like this I look closely at what I am and what I have in my hand and that is how I begin each day.    

This time last year my mother was about to be admitted for removal of 2/3rds of her stomach as in the course of testing for something else entirely they had discovered stomach cancer.   Her journey was an horrendous one leading to 4 operations in 6 weeks and many close moments on the very edge of death.  I got to the point where the coffee making take away outlets at the hospital were giving me staff discounts as I was there so much, haunting their corridors and wards.  I sat with her, and beside her and walked this journey in every way as I could.  And I am grateful.  A year later she is back, at 82 living independently in the house I grew up in maintaining her weight and still very much with us.  I am grateful for each and every day I share with this remarkable woman!!

The experience with mum brought to the fore the strengths and wonderful caring found nestled in my grown children.  Tess ( mother of MsLizzie and the delightful Abigail - who was born just a few months ago!!) takes mum to the hair dressers every week and drives her shopping.   Amy and I as well as my cousin Anne, take turns accompanying Mum on her many visits to medical tea,ms for checkups and monitoring.  Mum has just completed her first serious round of testing and has the cancer all clear!! One year down.  Her oncologist whispered how delighted he was and  how he wanted a family like hers when he is older.  That delighted her.   And delighted me.

This time last year I was still working my way through the family court to secure Geni's living agreement with me as Dopey didn't seem to see a need  to "change" the way things were; namely I did the work and paid for everything while he was listed as having care and control.  needless to say, the magistrate likewise agreed that the family orders should reflect the true status and so Geni is now living full time in my care and it is a successful arrangement.  

There is the addition of Abigail to our Zoo/tribe and there is Pandy not being as obnoxious.   

I have a paid job that is flexible to allow me to care for my family when I need to, and it challenging and a situation where there is something I may learn every day.  I largely have my health.  My Fitness challenge is going well and I am enjoying pushing my body each and every morning.  

Tuesday return to work after a long weekend

It was odd coming in today with it being a Tuesday and not a Monday. 

I am out of synch, although I did get to the gym before coming in and have organised myself so I keep a black suit ( trousers and a tailored jacket) at work so I may just bring the blouse/top component and jewellery and hence cut down some of the load I am carrying.  Between my laptop, my gym clothing and a full change of work style clothing plus a book to read...mmm needless to say I get EXTRA strength training daily at this rate.  I have a pair of black boots and flat black shoes which now live in my bottom drawer at work and I shall change when I get to work and change to go home, so my runners will travel back and forwards actually on my feet.  They take up BULK and weight!!

There appears to be no lasting damage from the face full of speeding soccer ball and I am grateful for that! Still it was an eye opener - but as I said before it is better it was me and not those around me.  

Geni came home yesterday afternoon and cleaned her floordrobe.  I am under no illusions; it will end up scattered again, but she was open to my requests.  I found myself a tad dispondent as the washing pile and load seems to land in my lap ( unaided).  So I have resolved to ask for the help I desire and deserve.  This should be interesting.

Staff meeting in 5.  Must rush.