Simple Truths, Big Lessons and survival tricks

Having raised what seems like half of Sydney ( sometimes) one of the first lessons I learned was that the only way to "win" in some circumstances, is simply NOT to play.   So with my son, I choose not to play.  His twists, his choices and here - his lessons.  He is choosing to project his emptinessness and unhappiness onto me, but I am not shouldering that burden.  Instead, I choose to maintain my dignity and draw my line in the sand.

I expect this behaviour from teens and have more patience for them, at that point, however he is not 15.  He is 31.  He is currently NOt employed so I think he has too much time on his hands to "think".  I also work full time and am not always accessible when he wants me to drop everything  ( for no urgent reason) like he wants money or something.  

The first few times one of mine who turned and blamed me for everything that was currently making them miserable or upset, twisted me inside while I journeyed to check to ensure I had not failed them or something I did or said was not at the root of this current crisis.  

I very quickly learned that someone, at any time, will hate me, and judge me harshly and that this is nothing personal BUT a rite of passage from childhood into adolescence.  I have walked this road before.  In truth, this same scenario, hurt and wounded me more.  This time I am a little surprised since I am not especially wounded by this rejection and nastiness.

The choice is mine.  Here I choose to see that Mike has lessons to learn and it is not personal.  he is choosing to behave so hurtfully because he is seeking a specific response for some reason of his own.  Well, this mean old woman does NOT reward bad behaviour.   He threw down this gauntlett.  I have simply told him that behaving like this will not gain him a closer relationship with me.  That I do not choose to allow  people to make choices I see as disloyal.  He will learn in his own time.  I hope it is in my lifetime.

As you all know, my family is the heart and soul of all I am.  There is so much I have right now that will take energy.  I want all my energy ploughed into the positive; like being there for Pandy and AJ, and welcoming Abigail into life any day now.

Walking close to the edge of life and death as we did with Mum for most of last year, and in the light of the numbers who unexpectedly found their lifetime was up in the tragic bushfires, I think someone's ego rates pretty low on my radar.  

Big deep breath.