Tuesday, 16 June 2009

What most makes me smile...

If you look at Abigail, what you see is the smaller version of me. 

She is exactly as I was in mien, in spirit and in looks.  It is like stepping back in time, and delightful when you consider so many seek eternal youth and immortality, and there in that small morsel of love made flesh IS my embodied immortality.  My dna is running around in that small morsel of human delight.

At not quite 4 months, she is so determined to lurch into life and living and her disposition is sunny.  When you hold her, she is not a clumsy cuddle - rather she nestles and snuggles and fits.   People cross roads and streams of mall traffic to come and coo and goo and Abi holds court rewarding those drawn in with the widest of smiles.  I watch her eyes drinking in everything and everyone, and then tapping the knowledge down deep.  She lacks no confidence either. 

I feel blessed and honoured she is with us.  

Sunday, 14 June 2009

What does love look like?

Love is:
  • a half girl/half woman bullying older sisters to ensure they remember my birthday and remember to call me and spoil me on the day.  She did it by phone call and text message and was relentless.  And I adore her for it. Thank you Leonnie for understanding how much these things mean to me.
  • an 82 year old frail woman, my mother, wanting to catch buses and go and buy things to cook and make a feast for me and mine to make me feel special.   As it was my birthday I could stop it and instead picked up delicious cheeses, a variety of crackers, cabanossi, fruit ( for a platter) and a cheesecake and a vanilla sponge.
  • my daughter (Tess) telephoning me and offering me MsLizzie ( aged 3) and Abigail ( aged 4 months) for Saturday night instead of calling a babysitter.    She knew Geni and I had soccer on Sunday and it was my birthday so she isn;t want to burden me.  How can those two be a burden?  It was a delightful time.   I  have asked her to stop being 'considerate' and instead to ask me.  I know I can say no if I am unable for any reason, but I would like first right of refusal.   It would only be rarely I would say no!!
  • A veritable feast of stationary items for me to fill with thoughts and feelings and words
  • NOT having to be the one to do all the washing, cooking and cleaning on the weekend

Friday, 12 June 2009

Fingers like

blocks of ice, so cold they almost hurt.
Yes. It is winter, down under style.
This doesn't mean snow and ice but does mean humid wet style cold and bitter driving winds that cut through any and all layers of fabric.

As the sun sets here the sky to the west is painted rosy pink and salmon. 

I went to the gym this morning while everyone slept and after a yoga class and some cardio I came home girded and ready to tackle the washing pile - only to find it had been begun!!  Yeah!!  Who said you can't teach old dogs new tricks?

That said Tess is dropping Lizzie and Abigail to us to spend the evening.  Pandy has organised a birthday party for her boyfriend Nick and we get the littlies ( I much prefer that to a night of partying!!)

And tomorrow we have soccer at 11.40 followed by a visit with mum and then a cutting of the cake for me!! Yes. Tomorrow is my birthday. 

Thursday, 11 June 2009

I should have waited before speaking up....

Yesterday I got to 2pm full of the attitude of gratitude to receive a phone call telling me Amy ( 22) was at the hospital. Her throat had swollen shut and she was in terrible pain and couldn't swallow. I was about to head into a planned meeting, so went into that and grabbed a bag and immediately afterwards straight out the door and to the hospital to sit with her as long as I was able.

The doctor diagnosed a bacterial infcction and an allergic reaction and although she wasn't admitted it was a stressful couple of hours. Still, thinking things through, it could have been so much worse!! She is miserable and sore but had been topped up with antibiotics to kick start fighting the infection. and I got to spend some time with the gorgeous Ms Abigail who is quite the ray of sunshine. She coos, goos and generally lights up and is as fat as they come.

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

An Attitude of Gratitude

One of my dearest online friends talks about feeling like they are sitting at the centre of a perfect storm  and this got me cogitating, as these things often do.  He is right, Fujific that is.  Storm clouds have gathered and violent and high waves are sweeping away and around and stirring up so much we have perhaps taken for granted.  

At times like this I look closely at what I am and what I have in my hand and that is how I begin each day.    

This time last year my mother was about to be admitted for removal of 2/3rds of her stomach as in the course of testing for something else entirely they had discovered stomach cancer.   Her journey was an horrendous one leading to 4 operations in 6 weeks and many close moments on the very edge of death.  I got to the point where the coffee making take away outlets at the hospital were giving me staff discounts as I was there so much, haunting their corridors and wards.  I sat with her, and beside her and walked this journey in every way as I could.  And I am grateful.  A year later she is back, at 82 living independently in the house I grew up in maintaining her weight and still very much with us.  I am grateful for each and every day I share with this remarkable woman!!

The experience with mum brought to the fore the strengths and wonderful caring found nestled in my grown children.  Tess ( mother of MsLizzie and the delightful Abigail - who was born just a few months ago!!) takes mum to the hair dressers every week and drives her shopping.   Amy and I as well as my cousin Anne, take turns accompanying Mum on her many visits to medical tea,ms for checkups and monitoring.  Mum has just completed her first serious round of testing and has the cancer all clear!! One year down.  Her oncologist whispered how delighted he was and  how he wanted a family like hers when he is older.  That delighted her.   And delighted me.

This time last year I was still working my way through the family court to secure Geni's living agreement with me as Dopey didn't seem to see a need  to "change" the way things were; namely I did the work and paid for everything while he was listed as having care and control.  needless to say, the magistrate likewise agreed that the family orders should reflect the true status and so Geni is now living full time in my care and it is a successful arrangement.  

There is the addition of Abigail to our Zoo/tribe and there is Pandy not being as obnoxious.   

I have a paid job that is flexible to allow me to care for my family when I need to, and it challenging and a situation where there is something I may learn every day.  I largely have my health.  My Fitness challenge is going well and I am enjoying pushing my body each and every morning.  

Monday, 8 June 2009

Tuesday return to work after a long weekend

It was odd coming in today with it being a Tuesday and not a Monday. 

I am out of synch, although I did get to the gym before coming in and have organised myself so I keep a black suit ( trousers and a tailored jacket) at work so I may just bring the blouse/top component and jewellery and hence cut down some of the load I am carrying.  Between my laptop, my gym clothing and a full change of work style clothing plus a book to read...mmm needless to say I get EXTRA strength training daily at this rate.  I have a pair of black boots and flat black shoes which now live in my bottom drawer at work and I shall change when I get to work and change to go home, so my runners will travel back and forwards actually on my feet.  They take up BULK and weight!!

There appears to be no lasting damage from the face full of speeding soccer ball and I am grateful for that! Still it was an eye opener - but as I said before it is better it was me and not those around me.  

Geni came home yesterday afternoon and cleaned her floordrobe.  I am under no illusions; it will end up scattered again, but she was open to my requests.  I found myself a tad dispondent as the washing pile and load seems to land in my lap ( unaided).  So I have resolved to ask for the help I desire and deserve.  This should be interesting.

Staff meeting in 5.  Must rush.

Sunday, 7 June 2009

We won the soccer 5 to 1

Geni scored her first EVER goal AND the ex his girlfriend leonnie and girlfriends daughter turned up and in fact drov Geni there. Yes, peeps, hell did freeze over!!!

I arrived at the field ( our home field) half an hour early to set up the field as ours was the first game scheduled for the day. To my horror whomever had closed the evening before had NOT clsed. All rooms and storage areas were unlocked and open and the grounds were a mess. The coach and I ran aound and set up and claned up and as the others arrived Leonnie and I were chatting with two of the parents on the sideline while the team practised shooting and a soccr ball game out of nowhere at full force and hit me smack on the face.

I reeled. It spun me around. Tears ran down my face but I was not crying, and my face went numb. I stayed standing. My face was numb. I managed to keep functioning. I was grateful it was me and not Leonnie who was right next to me.

I eventually got the feeling back in my face and ther was no swelling or broken nose but I ached everywhere. I suspect my body took quite a jolt.

I went home and the Ex took both my girls and his new family and went for breakfast and took them shopping at the local mall. I did little washing and went shopping myself picking up two pairs of shoes at 75% off and a new book to read.

Geni came home to get changed for a sleepover so it was in, we left and dropped her at her friend's place and she is seeing a movie with the girls today before coming home. I just received a text asking if I was going shopping as she wants money. But I m not planning on going shopping today, so if she wants money she can catch a bus home. She won't . LOL

Saturday, 6 June 2009


Soccer early tomorrow morning and no rain, this week to wash it out.  I have Geni's soccer clothing and boots and the keys to the field ( which I have just collected.)  I have the game card prepared.  I will be leaving here around 8am so it will pay to have it all ready.

In the oven I have a 2kg blade roast which has been slow cooking for two hours after marinating in lemon, olive oil, garlic and thyme and oregano.  The aroma is a luscious invitation to slurp and eat until the rich juices dribble down my chin.  I am aware of this as I think of how I know Geni's father claims he is driving her up for the game.  If he does I will be shocked because it will mean he has made an effort for her.  It will also mean I will be there with him, his girlfriend and people I am used to spending my time with.  If he does not drive her, then I doubt she will arrive on time.

Me and my pondering.

Terminator, Salvation was enjoyable. SlumdogMillionaire  was astounding.   Two whole more days.  

Friday, 5 June 2009

Lazy day

Saturday and the time has half bled away.  No children to want and need, today.  Today as Slumdog Millionaire plays out the early afternoon, and brings back to me with alarming clarity my time in Mumbai/then known as Bombay, I am spending a few moments catching up with those I have long followed online and thinking my way into the weekend.  This weekend is a delight in that it is a long weekend, so although Sunday is eaten into with soccer morning I have a whole Monday to putter and potter.  

Amy and I attended the State Theatre for the world premier of a film called Disgrace - the first screening of one of 8 films competing for the $60,000 prize pot at this years Sydney Film Festival.  Intriguing story. Intriguing book.  Personally I will be surprised if this film wins.  

This morning I have sorted the kitchen garbage ( ensuring the recycling is accurate. )  I have fed the now 6 kookaburras who gather each morning for breakfast from my balcony and I have NOT done the washing.

Today is my rest day from the gym and I find I miss the morning pushing of my body!!!

Have a wonderful weekend. 

Wednesday, 3 June 2009


A few moments at the beginning of a day to catch up here.  Taking on a fitness challenge has shown me the importance of being organised.  I already have a full and busy active life, but factoring in JUST that little extra all about and for me is a challenge.  

To start with I have to overcome the programming that is inate in me that EVERYONE and everything they want, somehow is more important than me.  What I have learned is that if I don't put myself first, noone else will put me there.  yes  I know I do that. BUT not everyone is me.   I suspect the subtle and constant quiet reminder mantra that should underscore my thinking and doing should be "Not everyone is me."  it explains a lot.  It dissipates expectation.  It grants me ownership of myself and allows others to make their own choices in their own unique way.  In fact, it underscore our individual uniqueness and the true beauty of that.

I also have noticed some of the self sacrificing that is so much a part of me has translated to some of my grown up daughters.  The amusing part of that is that I never expected that.  Truly the book children read most is NOT the one on paper, but the one bound in shoe leather ( you and me!!) so we must be aware and conscious of the messages our lived choices are giving to them; not do as I say - more do as I do. 

I have stuck to my goal of 40 - 60 minutes Monday to Friday for almost two entire weeks now.  I am resisting the temptation to get on the scales every morning and will only weigh and more importantly, measure myself weekly.  The aim of this is to take that time to boost my metabolism and to also support my health which always dips during the winter months.  This year I am giving myself the best chance possible.

This morning I woke into a misted world with the coming morning hovering.  Just at the horizon on the east...pushing back the wreathing with silver streak of pure light.  
Good morning to you all!

Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Two minutes

*peeks in and waves franically blwoing kisses to you all on way out the door to the gym EVEN in the pouring rain....*

I promise you a lnger post when I stop to catch my breath!!!