Geni is a "normal" 14 year old and in her mind the entire world revolves around her.
I have asked her to keep her bedroom door closed if she will persist in filing her clothing on the floor.
She leaves the door open and then gets very upset if anyone goes in there for any reason.
I have told her that her "privacy" will be respected IF she keeps her door shut.
She yelled ant me and I am ashamed to admit that yesterday, I yelled back.
I hate descending to that level. I hate letting anyone annoy me to the point that I just yell.
Well, Geni quietened down awfully quickly.
She wasn;t listening when I tried to talk to her and felt she could yell me down. But she was amazed and finally heard me out.
RESPEC T has to be earned. It is a two way street. I have pointed out to her that my life is ALL about putting others before myself and constantly considering everyone; the food I buy often is not what I would choose to eat ( for example) and the food is THERE when they want it; her clothing is collected and washed and mended ( when required; I have signed on for managing HER soccer team ) which means some inordinately early starts on a weekend; I have rearranged my work life to accomodate her schedule.. I could go on ( and last night I did.)
I have asked Geni to meet me half way. I have explained that although she sees all I do as "my job", it in fact isn't. It is the result of choices I make. As all relationships are two ways, (give/take) I had the opportunity to point out that it is not all give my way and all take hers. She is to think of ways to meet me half way.
I disliked intensely that she refused to listen to me and expected me to listen to her while she verbally attacked me. I could, and should have handled this better. I will next time.
Sometimes you have to yell. It may not be the most mature thing to do, but it sometimes makes a person feel better, after all is out in the open, and you've blown off some steam. Stand your ground. She is old enough to understand what you said here. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteWe are all fallible. *smiling* I prefer to think that rather than 'decending to her level', you showed her what it felt like to have words flung at your face, first hand. Perhaps she will remember better because of it.
ReplyDeleteSending {{hugs}}, love, and a strong cup of coffee your way- Gina
It DID make me feel better but I could have kicked myself afterwards....then again she DID listen. It is how she behaves to push her viewpoint. I am happy to respect her however that HAS to run both ways!!
ReplyDeleteI try so hard to model the kind of behaviour I wish to receive ( do unto others...etc) respect, dignity. What tipped my scales was the total disregard for my opinion and indeed my attempts to communicate. So I yelled. And yes, she did listen.
ReplyDeleteOh-oh! this sounds familiar!
ReplyDeleteSeems I know two girls here at my house that have the same clothing carpet- I close their doors so I can keep with the harmony of the rest of the house I might have licked clean.Sighs.And God help anyone if they enter they're rooms-without them.Strange. Anyway, I finally did it, I painted my own bedroom and redecorated. I think it inspired Miss L. Her and her friend just finished cleaning her room (chuckles..).
Peace to you my friend, and maybe a little hot spiked coffee on the side.
I hear ya! I am having to argue with the youngest now, when I shouldn't have to. Sometimes, the only way to get Jamie to listen is to yell...
ReplyDeleteHang in there!
I think she's at an age where that is 'her' job and good for you for standing your ground and expecting that she do what you've asked. She will learn. *hugs*
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