We both showed up, at 8am.
We completed the forms and went in to talk to an older man about an argument we keep coming to and have wrestled with, for four years.
I was open.
I spoke, eloquently of my passion and my hurt.
The counsellor believes we have the basis of a solid relationship if both of us start to communicate without pushing each others' buttons.
Tony has gone quiet since the session.
I spoke how I believe Tony and my definition of love is very different.
Tony sees love as involving sacrifice form my perspective and indeed I know that love often does. (What mother could or would not see that easily?)
I believe in love through thick and thin, ebb and flow and up and down that does not give up lifelong. Tony sees love as stay while it is good and joyful and bail if it gets hard. ( that is my perspective).
I spoke honestly of my knee jerk "get lost!" reaction to his I will come home email ( with his terms and conditions). Tony looked shocked.
I asked Tony if the thought had even crossed his mind that his choice ( although his to make) that Saturday that sparked the final row/argument was perhaps selfish and inconsiderate? He hadn't and certainly didn't see it that way!
I pointed out to him that as he can make those choices, I too have every right to react! And he may not like the reaction.
The counsellor suggested we may discuss together each week what we are doing and what our plans are so there will be no expectations or assumptions.
He also suggested that I take back my power.
I like that one.
I need to look at what Tony can and can't give me, and he then suggested I look at where else my needs may be met.
This is something I am already looking at.
Carefully.
I also spelled out to Tony how deeply he had dumped me in it financially by leaving as he did and how I have not laid any of that on him.
He was shocked.
Can he possibly NOT have realised?
he has been very quiet since the counselling.
I suspect it will be some time before I hear from him again.
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At least you both showed up and aired your feelings. That's a start. I hope that this ends favorably for both of you. Maybe he's been quiet because it's finally sinking in that it's not all one person's fault. He has to accept responsibility for what he's doing/done, too. Hang in there, Sweetie. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI am hanging in there and going ( as I do) to the nth degree. One day at a time. Yes we both showed. That is a start. And we were both honest. That is good, too.
ReplyDeleteSo where do things stand now?
ReplyDeleteDo you want him back?
I think it is really positive that he showed up to the counseling session at all, that he heard your perspective, and that he heard what the counselor had to say in relation to what each of you had to say about your relationship. At least you were able to express where you stand at this point, how you feel, and get input from the counselor relative to all of that.
I am sure you realize that the longer Tony is away, the more comfortable you may be with him being gone. There may be a point where you find yourself more complete without him.
Hope you find some inner peace in the midst of all of the conflict.
*Hugs*
Where do things stand now? This is what we must determine.
ReplyDeleteYes, you both showed and he, too, was willing to listen. Good luck with possible further sessions and I hope his eyes have been opened.
ReplyDeleteI am waiting to see what time and thought and reading might bring, to him, from him but each day hurts something more again in me.
ReplyDeleteI'd ditch him and hitch up with a rich dude!
ReplyDeleteYou know lermie, I have heard that before.( How are you?)
ReplyDeletegetting your needs meet - be careful of the paths you choose do you have a network of friends that you can open up to (apart from here) I didn't
ReplyDeleteI am careful who I open up to and share with. First I need to determine what I need to enhance my happiness and then determine where it is going to come from.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteThinking of you
It is a start however. I hope this works out for you.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Bobby
It demonstrated that both of us still care. Where is goes, again depends on us both.
ReplyDeleteHe sounds a little self-centered. I wish things were easier for you. *hugs*
ReplyDelete