...and sometimes failing miserably.
I am getting mixed messages from Him. I have a flood of email that largely outline for me my issues and "fault". I lrgely do not respond but sometimes ( SOMETIMES) I feel I have to defend myself. Those responses are seen as mixed messages. Why He gets the "fine whatever you want" messages he sees that as progress?
He tells me in a one line email he does love me.
Several hours later he tells me he WILL come back but just to show me he is serious about us. And follows through with two pages of , well for want of a better word - HIM. That was 3pm Friday. I had a one word text message saying goodnight Friday and then Sunday. He has not approached me about coming back. Yesterday morning he sends a two line email telling me he will come back when he stops getting mixed messages. WHAT mixed messages???
As he emailled the landlord telling them he had moved out and as I am paying all the rent, last week I asked for his key back. THIS is what prompted the I love you and I will come back.
We have a counsellor booked for next Monday. He says he is hoping they will help us. I hope and pray he comes with an open heart because I suspect he will not like what is said and he too will need to work IF he truly wants this.
Right now I am counting the cost of loving this man for the rest of my life. I now know the cost intimately and well and truly know I give more than I take. I love him ( I dont HALF love and hold back....) but I also love myself.
Where to from here? Who knows. Now when you are a young girl starting out, with all the romance and love floating about, why does no one tell you it hurts so much, that one dies constantly to oneself?
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mixed signals... how well I know them. How well I know the WANT to trust, to believe, and yet a bit of doubt always remains. And then the worry... maybe he is being truthful... maybe he isn't 100%. At times it is hard to tell, to know (been there....). {hugs}
ReplyDeleteIn truth Dorrie, I am not sure what he wants or how to magically become that. I am only me.
ReplyDeleteMy eyesight isn't always 20/20 but I could swear he's he one sending mixed signals.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Maggs.
~S~
I agree with Soiled Dove. Sounds like he's the one sending the mixed signals, maybe to toy with you? If he's attempting to make you more confused, it looks like it's working. I SO hope the counselor is able to help get this resolved. I'm keeping you in my prayers. HUGS!
ReplyDeleteI think he feels guilty for hurting you and tries to turn it around on you to make himself feel better.
ReplyDeletePerhaps he's having a mid-life crisis? Maybe he's disappointed he hasn't achieved all he wanted to by now?
It's so hard to tell, when someone is being accusatory and isn't open to two way dialogue.
I hope the counselling helps!
I have no words of advice. I can only send you much love and all my prayers.
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time. One breath at a time.
{{hugs}}- Gina
I smell guilt. I smell frustration, on his part, that I am not reacting the way he wants/expected. I smell judgement and arrogance and a temper tantrum and ego. Not mine. I am exhausted. I just want to love and be loved equally. I want compromise on both sides. I want this pain to end so we can nut down to the living and the loving.
ReplyDeleteWishing you well
ReplyDelete