Thoughts

Life has put me in a situation where I must think long and hard and deeply, about what I want. And where and how I go on from here. Every loss is an opportunity. The tearing and rending a way to clear whatever exists on the surface leaving the foundations and the earth below and what it is hard to see at that time, is the possibility and opportunity that this sort of disturbance can also bring.

For a while I felt it important to gather my grief and my thoughts, and clutch all my feelings to myself.

I do not believe I need to hide who I am nor what I think.
I am not ashamed of my thoughts and feelings.
And if this is about MY thoughts and feelings, then so what!!

*big intake of breath***

There is an exhaustive string of correspondence(email and text) I could post and throw out for discussion to help me gauge what is right/fair in all this. I have chosen not to as given time, these things will settle.

I no longer need to tell myself I am okay. You see, I am. One day has followed the other.
I have not missed a day of work and each of those days has been productive professionally.
My self care has increased. I am asking myself what I want and then doing that.
Tasks that have sat and waited for attention, have been done.
The house around me is ordered, and things I have in storage I am vetting and either recycling or finding homes for. I am being ruthless.
I have begun to search for a new place to reside. There is no rush on this but it is on my list.

I am gratefully for a bed made with elegant cotton sheets freshly laundered and sun dried.
I am grateful for the easy company of my daughters, who are also my friends.
More coming.......

That said, I am grateful for the support you each have given me which so offended Tony.
But here, it doesn;t matter what he thinks, this THIS is about me.

And I have missed my friends.